old hobbies die hard...

Years and years ago I used to sit at Denny's for hours at a time, until the wee hours of the morning. There were all these people that used to do the same thing, and we were all friends. It was like a big clubhouse, really. We could sit there and grab our own coffee from behind the counter. We could get the cooks to make up special concoctions that were somehow better than the stuff on the menu. We could get a free meal by sitting there and rolling the silverware for the waitstaff so they didn't have to. We could play cards, or board games, or even D&D. It was our meeting and returning point for going to other places ad coming back "home". We met some of our closest friends there, and some people even met their husbands or wives there. Yep.. that was the life.

Ok, there is a point to this story, so enough reminiscing!

At one point, I used to sit in my booth at Denny's for hours at a time creating chainmail. Not the letters that you send to people telling them they have to send it on or they'll die in the next 5 seconds, but actual chainmail armor and jewelry. With little metal rings and a pair of pliers. At Denny's. I made a coif (hat), and a bra (yep), and a bunch of headpieces and necklaces. Most of this (not the bra) was pretty much geared towards wearing to the renaissance festival... but then I started making more jewelry and delicate stuff. At fest there were a couple of booths that sold chainmail stuff and it was always ungodly expensive, so I knew that I COULD make stuff and sell it for a pretty decent price, but I never really did. Even after making all that stuff I just didn't have the materials to make really "nice" stuff, so I didn't really push my abilities and learn all the techniques for making really pretty stuff... and it just kinda drifted away after we stopped hanging out at Denny's (because they all closed practically!).

Now I have come across a whole bunch of stores and sites and online stores that are dedicated to making chainmail stuff, and I see they're still selling for really good prices. This is jewelry and stuff that I know I can make in a relatively short about of time and they're being sold for hundreds of dollars! Granted, some of the stuff is made with really expensive mats*, but...

So yeah... I think I'm going to get back into it. I think I'm going to spend the cash and get a nice pair of pliers and some nice rings and stuff and learn some new weaves. I'll post some pics!

* NOTE: I realized that I actually still am a WoW dork and use odd phrases in the course of normal conversation... mats = materials ... I decided not to change it because it amused me :)

birthday!!

Yesterday was my birthday (yay me!) and I had the greatest day!

The power went out at work, so I got to leave 3 hours early.

I went out to lunch with my mom and my sister and got free vanilla ice cream with raspberry sauce on it, and no singing!

When Dustin got home he said he was planning on making me a surprise cake, but I got home early and messed that up... but it WAS a surprise because I got to sit and do nothing (ie play WoW) while it was being made, AND the choice he made on the cake and frosting turned out to be the exact mix of cake and frosting that I've been trying to get my sister to make for my birthday for years and she won't (banana cake with milk chocolate frosting)/

I got to go out to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner where normally they make you a tin foil hat and be obnoxious singing to you.. but when we walked in, I wasn't sure if I wanted all the hoopla so I asked the manager what they did for birthdays, and then I DIDN'T tell my waitress that it was... so no hoopla, no tin foil hat, no singing... yay! But after we got out to the car, the manager came running out with some $5 off coupons because the waitress didn't do all this stuff for my birthday! I DID explain that it was my fault since I didn't tell her... cause I didn't want her to get in trouble or something!

I bought a lottery ticket... but I didn't win.

Oh well.. the day was great anyway... and I guess the luck has to stop somewhere!

Bummer :)

I can do it!

I always get in trouble for being "defensive" in my arguments. I think I've figured out what the issue is. I get defensive when I know that it's something I did wrong, and don't want to be called out about it. Usually what that means is that yes, I know I raised my voice at that customer and have already berated myself for it and I don't need my boss/supervisor/team leader coming over and going through the big show of reprimanding me, as if I didn't realize I had made a mistake. I have no problem with admitting the mistake and moving on. Basically, if I'm the one who is wrong, I get defensive, because I already KNOW it was wrong.

I have also realized that if I have been accused of doing something wrong that I didn't do, or if I have BEEN wronged, I can present arguments clearly and concisely without sounding defensive. For example, if I move a large box of pop cans to a less visible area in the office, on the orders of the boss, I don't want to get attitude about how I'm "inconveniencing" someone by moving things around. And if I need to ACTUALLY defend myself, I can plan out the entire argument without issue.

Sigh...

thinking...

At one point in my life, not too long ago, I was a very cranky person (cranky being a major understatement), and I was making everyone around me extremely unhappy to... be around me!

I don't know what was causing me to be cranky. It could easily have been the stress of my marriage falling apart. It could have been the absolutely horrible job that I had at the time. I have even heard that very high blood sugar levels can make a person very cranky.. and that was during the time when I was ignoring the fact that I had diabetes and just doing whatever I wanted... so my blood sugars were off the charts. At any rate, there were any number of reasons that I could have been cranky.

What I do know is that once I realized just how cranky I was being, I got really mad about it! I never used to be such an uptight pain in the butt. I used to be MOSTLY easy going, with some minor OCD moments. But here I was with people who were cringing every time I opened my mouth because I obviously was going to scream about something. This continued even after I had stopped being so scary cranky. I really didn't like the person that I realized I had become. It took a lot of soul searching for me to calm down and figure out what things were upsetting me and how to fix them. It took a long time for people to realize that I could react to things like a normal human being.

At any rate, because of all the soul searching I did, I realized that I lied to myself all th4e time. In my head, it was ok to go crazy nuts about dishes in the sink or shoes on the floor. It was ok for me to nag about the same things every single day to the point that people stopped listening to me, which just made me madder. IT was ok for me to childishly push or aim a kick at someone. I could justify all these things. The interesting thing is that I really feel separated from that person now. I can remember what it felt like in my head when these things were going on, and the feeling is almost like I was in a daze. This hazy feeling that that reality was ok.

I have no idea where this post is going... I was just thinking about how cranky I used to be, and how I'm much calmer now, and how crazy I used to get. Don't get me wrong, I still have my cranky moments. But when I get cranky about something, I recognize it pretty quick and calm down pretty quick. And things don't bother me anywhere near as much as they used to. Even the crazy OCD type things that I used to do are not as prominent. And really, thinking about my life then, I can understand those tendencies, and the NEED to control something, since I couldn't control anything else.

Interesting.

the first post...

I really want to write a blog, but I never quite know where to start.  I have changed the layout and settings and colors and fonts of this blog so many times (and still don't like it), yet there have been no posts.

At first I was going to write a diabetes blog.  But then I realized that I don't think I can write about diabetes related stuff day in and day out.  Not that that's what a diabetes blog should be... just that I don't seem to have as many ups and downs to write about.  And I'm grateful for my lack of ups and downs!  Then I decided that my lack of creativity meant that I should just not blog.  But I want to!

So.... this is my first post.  I have absolutely no idea what I will write about day to day or week to week, but I figure I have to start somewhere.

And so the blogging journey begins!