I always get in trouble for being "defensive" in my arguments. I think I've figured out what the issue is. I get defensive when I know that it's something I did wrong, and don't want to be called out about it. Usually what that means is that yes, I know I raised my voice at that customer and have already berated myself for it and I don't need my boss/supervisor/team leader coming over and going through the big show of reprimanding me, as if I didn't realize I had made a mistake. I have no problem with admitting the mistake and moving on. Basically, if I'm the one who is wrong, I get defensive, because I already KNOW it was wrong.
I have also realized that if I have been accused of doing something wrong that I didn't do, or if I have BEEN wronged, I can present arguments clearly and concisely without sounding defensive. For example, if I move a large box of pop cans to a less visible area in the office, on the orders of the boss, I don't want to get attitude about how I'm "inconveniencing" someone by moving things around. And if I need to ACTUALLY defend myself, I can plan out the entire argument without issue.
Sigh...
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