So I had some lab tests done last week to check on various things. They checked my cholesterol to see if the simvastatin I started taking 3 months ago is working, and they tested for GAD antibodies to see if I’m a Type 1.5 (LADA) or a Type 2.
I heard back from the doctor today, finally, and while she was a bit brief in her voicemail, it was because it was all good news! She said my cholesterol looked “beautiful” so the simvastatin is working well, and she said that I tested negative for the antibodies, so I’m just a plain old Type 2. Yay!
Here’s where I become an idiot….
I’ll admit, I’m a little disappointed. Why? Why would I be DISAPPOINTED that I might get to forego a lifetime of multiple daily injections or being hooked to an insulin pump? Because basically, its all my fault! Sure sure I might have gotten T2 diabetes just because, but as a T1, you can’t do anything about it. You have no say in the matter. It was going to happen anyway. Finding out that I’m a T2 just reminds me that:
a) if I wasn’t a fat cow then I might not even BE diabetic
b) if I could manage to lose weight then I might be just another person with “diabetic tendencies”
c) if I could manage to lose weight then I wouldn’t be taking insulin, and if I wasn’t taking insulin I might not be a fat cow (vicious circle, that one)
d) that for as long as I AM taking insulin, I will probably never be approved for a pump, because I’m “just a T2”, which means that until I figure out how to lose weight then I’ll be doing MDI’s
e) that I will never ever be able to just randomly eat something again.
That last one, I think, is the kicker for me. At least if I was/am taking insulin, I can eat a piece of bread, or a piece of fruit, and I know that I just need to take a bit of insulin to cover it. But as a T2, the goal is to not be on insulin, and to not be on meds at all, if possible. That means that I’m not allowed to eat anything that I enjoy, ever again.
While I know there is some stuff that is T2 friendly that is absolutely delicious, that means leaving out yummy helpings of fruits, and delicious breads, and bagels, and cereals.
I know that it is absolutely ridiculous to be bummed about the fact that I might have the ability to be injection free. Why would anyone want to take injections multiple times a day, every day, or be hooked up to a pump all the time? Why am I sitting at my desk at work in tears because my doctor just gave me “good” news? Because it just makes everything that much harder…
1. The road to getting OFF insulin is going to be harder because the only way to really do it is to lose weight. Half the weight that’s there is because I’m ON insulin in the first place. So that’s harder right there.
2. Eating healthier is something that I’ve been trying to do for a while now, as well as diminishing the amount that I eat. Both of those things are going well, but I’m not losing ANY weight. Plus, healthy eating doesn’t mean that I have to cut out breads and cereals, just making good choices about them. Being a T2 means that I DO have to cut that stuff out.
3. If I manage to get off insulin, then if I DO eat something “wrong”, I have no way of fixing it. That means that I might have highs that last longer, highs that I can’t correct for, and highs that cause complications that could put me in the hospital or cause long term problems. And I can’t do anything about them, because there IS nothing you can do for them as a T2.
4. I’ll probably be forced to reduce the amount of times I test per day, so I’ll never even know if I’m high.
5. If I go off insulin, the only way that I’ll be able to keep my A1c in range is by losing tons of weight and never eating yummy things again, which is going to take a very very long time, which means that I won’t be able to try and get pregnant if I ever get married, because it will be such a long struggle to get there that by the time I do I’ll be too old to have babies.
Yes, I know I’m an idiot.
I am glad to know that I can make myself be healthy, that its all in my hands. But that also means I’m the only one to blame when I can’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I was already PLANNING on doing most of those things. Like I mentioned in #2 up there, I was already eating healthier and fixing my portion sizes. But now it feels like I’m not the one choosing to do so, I’m going to be FORCED to do so. Its not ME choosing whether or not to eat something I want, its being FORCED to not eat the things I might have chosen to.
So yeah. I’m a little disappointed. I’m glad for the good news, but disappointed about the view.
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label exercise. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
high?
After exercising close to bedtime last night, having a little bit of a snack, and turning in with a respectable BG of 96 (good for me because I have a little dawn phenomena I think), I expected to wake up this morning in an acceptable fasting BG range and pay close attention during the day to make sure I wasn’t starting to head low, since the exercise thing is new to me.
I was NOT expecting to wake up seeing a 149 which stayed there the whole day! When I started getting ready to leave work I tested again to make sure I was still good to go for my drive home, and again, I didn’t need to worry… rocking away at 155, 2 ½ hours after eating lunch.
Now I’m trying to figure out if I’m just a control freak who needs to let go, or what. My A1c is a pretty decent 6.5%, and my meter readings generally agree. So should I be getting all irritated at a 150 that sticks around for the day, or is that just crazy? I’m wondering what other people consider “high”. I mean, obviously a 300 popping up randomly is gonna be high, but that’s just a given. What is a “normal” high? At what point do you stop sitting back complacently and start correcting?
I hope I’m not going to piss anyone off by complaining about a 150 when that might be normal for quite a lot of people. But for me, getting my numbers in that range after being uncontrolled since diagnosis was something I had to work to get to, and I’m glad to be there! I think its just the OCD part of me coming out and getting angry with that number. In all honestly, I’m not too terribly concerned about it, unless it just keeps climbing or something, but it struck me as interesting that I was frustrated with it all day today, and it made me wonder what other people’s opinions were!
Anyone have any?
I was NOT expecting to wake up seeing a 149 which stayed there the whole day! When I started getting ready to leave work I tested again to make sure I was still good to go for my drive home, and again, I didn’t need to worry… rocking away at 155, 2 ½ hours after eating lunch.
Now I’m trying to figure out if I’m just a control freak who needs to let go, or what. My A1c is a pretty decent 6.5%, and my meter readings generally agree. So should I be getting all irritated at a 150 that sticks around for the day, or is that just crazy? I’m wondering what other people consider “high”. I mean, obviously a 300 popping up randomly is gonna be high, but that’s just a given. What is a “normal” high? At what point do you stop sitting back complacently and start correcting?
I hope I’m not going to piss anyone off by complaining about a 150 when that might be normal for quite a lot of people. But for me, getting my numbers in that range after being uncontrolled since diagnosis was something I had to work to get to, and I’m glad to be there! I think its just the OCD part of me coming out and getting angry with that number. In all honestly, I’m not too terribly concerned about it, unless it just keeps climbing or something, but it struck me as interesting that I was frustrated with it all day today, and it made me wonder what other people’s opinions were!
Anyone have any?
Friday, July 30, 2010
Somewhat of a rant.. but not quite
Partial rant coming up!
I read a lot of diabetes blogs. Its how I got on board with my own insulin managed type 2 diabetes, despite the fact that most (like 99%) of the blogs are by or about type 1’s. Since I’m insulin dependent (at the moment), it helped a lot in understanding the insulin and the importance of counting carbs and managing injections properly, and basically living as an insulin-dependent diabetic.
I was reading through some of these blogs the other day and managed to track back through a couple of different ones with comments about a reality tv show that involved a young man having some major issues with his T1 diabetes, who also had with a T2 father. Lee Ann at The Butter Compartment made some comments about the show. Lee Ann’s blog is one of my favorites, and in truth, I agreed with both of her posts about this show but she did make a comment that struck that same T2 nerve with me. She said “…dad’s suggestion that it isn’t really that hard to manage diabetes was insensitive, and irrelevant because he presumably has T2 so what does he know? As far as I can tell, T2 is usually easy to control compared to T1, so of course he’d think that. It also perpetuated the idea that diabetes is easy to control amongst the general masses who don’t understand T1.”
Now I completely understand that there are tons of misguided people out there. I was probably one of them at one point. Some of the ones that really bother me are people who think:
Think about this. Exercise. Everyone is supposed to try and get some exercise in, every day or every other day, or whatever. If you’re a regular healthy person, you’re supposed to get some exercise. If you’re a T1, you’re supposed to get some exercise. But if you’re a T2, you HAVE to exercise. T2 is controlled through diet and exercise and maybe some meds if it’s just not working. How is that easy?
I don’t like to exercise. And yes, I believe that if I DID exercise, that I might not have to be on multiple daily injections of insulin. There is the possibility that I might not even have to take ANY meds, IF I do everything perfectly.
And while it may be true that I could get to the point where I’m so awesome that my diabetes is completely controlled by diet and exercise alone, and I don’t have any symptoms of uncontrolled diabetes, I’m totally stuck. I HAVE to exercise whether I want to or not. I HAVE to eat carefully. I can’t just have a piece of cake and bolus to cover the carbs. I’m only “supposed” to test one time a day. And if I do test and I’m high, I can’t do anything about it. Sure I don’t have the risk of overcorrecting and going low, but I also get to just look at the number on my meter and say “Well would you look at that? I’m high.” And if I can’t get that high number to come down?
** I do actually know a T2 who is actually controlling his condition through diet and exercise and as far as I know he’s doing an incredible job of it. So I know it IS possible! **
Yes, T1’s have a more “dangerous” form of this disease, I guess. Although I don’t like that word, really. There might be more potential issues because a T1’s body doesn’t create ANY insulin, but T2’s have just as many problems to deal with. They have a huge chance of having uncontrolled diabetes because they usually don’t test more than once a day. If their fasting blood sugar is fine but they’re having huge spikes for the rest of the day, they’re not even going to know something is wrong until they go in for an A1C. And that’s a bad cycle to repeat. And then it’s another 3 months to TRY and get it under control while not really understanding what they’re doing and just continuing on with the same poor management skills.
All diabetics should know what the actual facts of the disease are. And while it’s getting easier for T1’s to find information and find helpful people who want to help lead them through things, the same is not true for T2’s. YDMV (your diabetes may vary) applies for all diabetics, not just T1’s, and I think T1’s need to remember that as well.
/end partial rant
I’m not trying to step on any toes here, and I don’t want to be ostracized by the DOC for being an outspoken T2. I would love to hear the opinions of anyone who feels like giving them. Heck, maybe I’M following some misconceptions I don’t even realize. :)
I read a lot of diabetes blogs. Its how I got on board with my own insulin managed type 2 diabetes, despite the fact that most (like 99%) of the blogs are by or about type 1’s. Since I’m insulin dependent (at the moment), it helped a lot in understanding the insulin and the importance of counting carbs and managing injections properly, and basically living as an insulin-dependent diabetic.
I was reading through some of these blogs the other day and managed to track back through a couple of different ones with comments about a reality tv show that involved a young man having some major issues with his T1 diabetes, who also had with a T2 father. Lee Ann at The Butter Compartment made some comments about the show. Lee Ann’s blog is one of my favorites, and in truth, I agreed with both of her posts about this show but she did make a comment that struck that same T2 nerve with me. She said “…dad’s suggestion that it isn’t really that hard to manage diabetes was insensitive, and irrelevant because he presumably has T2 so what does he know? As far as I can tell, T2 is usually easy to control compared to T1, so of course he’d think that. It also perpetuated the idea that diabetes is easy to control amongst the general masses who don’t understand T1.”
Now I completely understand that there are tons of misguided people out there. I was probably one of them at one point. Some of the ones that really bother me are people who think:
- that all forms of diabetes are the same (which they’re not)
- that if you have diabetes (in any form) then you must have done something wrong to get it
- that if you take insulin (as a T1 or a T2) then you’re in worse shape than someone who doesn’t... like you have the “bad” diabetes
- that if you don’t take insulin you’re not a REAL diabetic
- that if you just ate right and exercised then you wouldn’t have diabetes anymore
Think about this. Exercise. Everyone is supposed to try and get some exercise in, every day or every other day, or whatever. If you’re a regular healthy person, you’re supposed to get some exercise. If you’re a T1, you’re supposed to get some exercise. But if you’re a T2, you HAVE to exercise. T2 is controlled through diet and exercise and maybe some meds if it’s just not working. How is that easy?
I don’t like to exercise. And yes, I believe that if I DID exercise, that I might not have to be on multiple daily injections of insulin. There is the possibility that I might not even have to take ANY meds, IF I do everything perfectly.
And while it may be true that I could get to the point where I’m so awesome that my diabetes is completely controlled by diet and exercise alone, and I don’t have any symptoms of uncontrolled diabetes, I’m totally stuck. I HAVE to exercise whether I want to or not. I HAVE to eat carefully. I can’t just have a piece of cake and bolus to cover the carbs. I’m only “supposed” to test one time a day. And if I do test and I’m high, I can’t do anything about it. Sure I don’t have the risk of overcorrecting and going low, but I also get to just look at the number on my meter and say “Well would you look at that? I’m high.” And if I can’t get that high number to come down?
** I do actually know a T2 who is actually controlling his condition through diet and exercise and as far as I know he’s doing an incredible job of it. So I know it IS possible! **
Yes, T1’s have a more “dangerous” form of this disease, I guess. Although I don’t like that word, really. There might be more potential issues because a T1’s body doesn’t create ANY insulin, but T2’s have just as many problems to deal with. They have a huge chance of having uncontrolled diabetes because they usually don’t test more than once a day. If their fasting blood sugar is fine but they’re having huge spikes for the rest of the day, they’re not even going to know something is wrong until they go in for an A1C. And that’s a bad cycle to repeat. And then it’s another 3 months to TRY and get it under control while not really understanding what they’re doing and just continuing on with the same poor management skills.
All diabetics should know what the actual facts of the disease are. And while it’s getting easier for T1’s to find information and find helpful people who want to help lead them through things, the same is not true for T2’s. YDMV (your diabetes may vary) applies for all diabetics, not just T1’s, and I think T1’s need to remember that as well.
/end partial rant
I’m not trying to step on any toes here, and I don’t want to be ostracized by the DOC for being an outspoken T2. I would love to hear the opinions of anyone who feels like giving them. Heck, maybe I’M following some misconceptions I don’t even realize. :)
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