Wednesday, November 3, 2010

feelings.... nothing more than feelings....

So I posted yesterday about recently going off of my insulin regimen as an experiment, per se.

One of the things that I thought was really interesting was my feelings while I was doing it. Even though I’ve technically been a diabetic since 2005, I didn’t really take control of it until about a year ago. That was when they wanted to put me in the hospital for severe DKA and instead just put me on insulin. Since then I’ve paid attention to my meds, paid attention to what I eat… all of which means that I’ve complained about testing and shots and carbs and math too.

And yet, something felt wrong. It wasn’t that there was actually something wrong. At first I thought I was just stressed because of my new schedule which included school. But that wasn’t it. I finally figured out that I was missing my regular diabetes schedule.

You may ask (and I was), how can you possibly miss poking yourself 4-5 times a day with a needle and having to count every bite of food that you eat?? And believe me, it wasn’t the poking myself that I missed, it was the routine!

Its strange how quickly we can become accustomed to doing something, even something unpleasant, and integrating it into our daily lives. It was still somewhat of a relief when I gave up my experiment and started taking the shots again. Not only did my schedule fall back into place, but I felt like I had control again, so that was refreshing.

Although, I am more than a little OCD, so it really comes as no surprise that I was glad to be in control :)

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